Millenium Falcon of Unknown Origin

Few things in the galaxy are as awesome as the Millennium Falcon (it can do the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs). I picked up this awesome toy at Bookman's as soon as it hit the shelf. I think I only paid $5 for it, and it was worth every penny (or more likely, every bit of the store credit I used to buy it). I don't know who made this toy. The imprint on the bottom lists LFL (Lucasfilm Limited) and GTI (Likely Galoob Toys Inc.) but the Galoob Millennium Falcon is a Micro Machines playset that splits in half whereas this Falcon merely has many hatches. So I don't know where this toy comes from, what line it was in, or anything else about its origin other than the fact that it is officially licensed and was made in 1997.

As you can see in this picture, it has a lot of compartments. The back of the ship opens and a second hatch reveals the smuggling compartment, a nice touch. The turret in the middle of the ship opens and can seat one shooter, and the cockpit also opens to seat one. The landing gear is retractable, and both guns swivel as does the dish. There is a projectile which fits into the front of the Falcon, and a tiny button on the bottom of the ship releases it. When I bought this ship it had no projectile and came with the rebel pilot you see in the first picture. I don't know if the rebel pilot was shipped with this toy because it wouldn't make much sense. I know there are Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, and Chewbacca figures in the same scale, so it's not unthinkable that this toy shipped with any combination of those figures.

Anyway, this toy is about as fully featured as you could ever expect for its size (7" from bow to stern and 5" from port to starboard) and I don't begrudge the missing pieces and/or personnel one bit. I got this sweet puppy for a song and have been glad to have it. I may eventually track down some of the figures that actually go with this ship, but I doubt I'll ever find the projectile on its own. Even so, I don't want it. I hate projectiles in toys. They always go off when you least expect it and never add to the toy ownership experience. So yeah, that's about it as far as this particular toy is concerned.

Marvel Heroics

So I just reviewed the DC Heroics one by one and now it's time to do the same thing for all the Marvel Heroics.

Because of the angle at which the Cap is standing, this is by far the least stable figure in the entire Heroics line. Even so, Captain America looks great on my display shelf. More than almost any other character in the series he looks like he's in the thick of some serious world-saving action. The most important part of the figure, the shield, is very nicely painted. Some of the details on the figure aren't quite as well-painted (the stripes on his torso vary in thickness and straightness), but that's pretty nit-picky. This is a great figure and I don't want to knock it too much. Grade: A

The Hulk figures are some of the best in the Heroics line because their large surface area allows for plenty of detailing in the muscles. They only take two colors to paint (three if you count the little dab of white for the teeth), so they're pretty uniform from figure to figure. I also love the fact that the Hulk is almost too big for his base. The arms are a little too big and it looks like he'd be a real knuckle dragger if he ever ut them down, but I just noticed that as I was writing this review, so I can't let that take too many points away. I love these Hulk figures and I collected a zillion of them in trying to get the chase figure. Grade: A

The Red Hulk, or Rulk if you're into calling him that, is one of three chase figures in the Marvel Heroics line (the third being the now-discontinued and somewhat rare Black Spider-Man). As with the other chase figures, this is just the non-chase Hulk with a red paint job. He actually looks a lot different in red, so I don't mind the fact that he uses the same pose as the other Hulk. Grade: A

I'm not sure which version of the Iron Man armor this is supposed to be, but I'm guess it's the MK V as seen on this site. I'm perfectly fine with Iron Man having little power pods on his hips, but something about the way they're executed on this figure makes him look like he's got birthing hips. Maybe I'm just crazy. I generally dig this figure, but I'm always a little put off by the femininity of the hips. Grade: B+

This is one of three (four if you count the discontinued one) Spider-Man figures in the Marvel Heroics line. This is a classic Spidey pose and he's even starting to shoot some web with his left hand. It has a nice paint job and some very fine detailing (the spider web pattern on his suit is molded into the plastic itself). You really can't do much better with a 1" Spider-Man. Grade: A+

 This is the second Spider-Man figure in the series, and it's just slightly less interesting than the first. The detailing and paint job are just as nice as they are on the first figure, but I prefer the pose of the first figure to this one. Even so, this figure still deserves high marks. Grade: A

 This was actually the first Heroics figure I ever opened, and I thought it was a mistake. I figured they forgot the paint, but it wasn't until later that I found out that this is one of the chase figures and the replacement for the now-rare and discontinued black Spider-Man. It seems really lazy to just not paint a figure and call it a chase figure, but I guess that's what they wanted to do. Even though it's lazy, I still love seeing this clear guy in my collection because it just seems like a cool thing to have. It looks way different than all my other figures, so there's something to be said for that. Grade: A

I like this Thor figure because, unlike the Thor in the recent movies, he wears the winged helmet, which is a nice part of the Thor costume. With Mjölnir held aloft and the wind sweeping his cape to the side, this Thor looks like he means business. I love every little detail on this figure as well as the action it implies. Grade: A+

Everybody's favorite mutant makes a very nice 1" figure. Yes, it would absolutely be too much to ask for a little separation between the claws given the size of this figure, so I won't knock it there. The colors are exactly right, and the figure stands in a nice pose, although it is slightly less nice than the one I'll review next. This is a solid figure and well deserving of...Grade: A

The last figure in this series is Wolverine in an attack pose, which I happen to like. The figure in the picture (I just grabbed the first one off the shelf) doesn't have the same crisp paint job as the others in my collection. At any rate, the attack Wolverine has the same nice coloring as the standing Wolverine (the picture just looks darker because I'm a lousy photographer). The attack pose puts him over the top. Grade: A+






So that's every figure in the Marvel Heroics line. Word has it that certain toy stores that don't exist in my home state have already started shipping out special Avengers Heroics. I'll probably have to hit ebay to make my collection complete. At any rate, I give the Marvel Heroics a slight edge over the DC Heroics in design, coloring, and overall quality. It's still pretty close, but I think the Marvel Heroics are just a tad bit better. If pressed, I would admit that I tend to be a bit of a Marvel fanboy, so my judgement may not be a pure reflection of truth. Here's the overall rating for the Marvel series:

DC Heroics

So I know I've mentioned my ever-growing collection of Heroics before, but I thought I'd give a breakdown of both the Marvel and DC Heroics, their respective chase figures, the quality of the figures, etc. then I'll drop a rating on the series as a whole.

This standing Batman figure is very nicely detailed, especially when it comes to the cape. I didn't get a picture of the back of the cape because I didn't want to spend all day getting pictures of 1" action figures from all angles. You'll just have to take my word for it, the cape is great. The paint job on this figure is from my favorite era of Batman (pre-yellow circle and pre-all black), so it's really a figure that got everything right. The pose is a little boring, but that will be improved upon in the next figure I review. I'll be giving each figure a letter grade so I can figure a final grade for the series at the end of this review. Grade: A

 This Batman figure is essentially the same paint configuration as the first one, but features a much more exciting pose. The pose reminds me of a Golden Age Batman comic book cover, but I can't find a picture of it anywhere. Anyway, the pose is great, the detail on the figure is very nice (especially because the cape isn't covering half his body like the first figure) and I love the era this Batman comes from. Grade: A+

 I'm no expert on The Flash, so I can't tell if this is Barry Allen, Wally West, or Bart Allen. I'm smart enough to know that this isn't Jay Garrick, but that's about the extent of it. Anyway, the great thing about this Flash figure is that I had to buy a zillion of them to finally get my Reverse Flash figure. All 9 of my Flashes standing in a row look like 1 Flash running really fast. So yeah, the pose on this figure is exactly what you would want, as is the paint job. They even put the little lightning bolts on the sides of his head, which shows just how much detail can go into a 1" figure. This is another solid figure in this series. Grade: A

The manufacturer calls this one Reverse Flash, but all the collectors I know call him Professor Zoom (I know they're one and the same, but I wish the manufacturer woulda gone with Zoom as well). Anyway, this is one of the chase figures in this series, and, much like the other chase figures, uses the same mold as the non-chase figure and a different paint job. I like the way this figure looks, but it seems kinda lazy, so I'm not going to grade it too highly. Grade: B+

 The only major problem with this Green Lantern figure is that I can't tell which Green Lantern he's supposed to be. I think we can safely rule out Alan Scott, John Stewart, and Kyle Rayner. His hair is reddish brown. It seems not red enough to definitively be Guy Gardner but not brown enough to definitively be Hal Jordan. I like to believe it's Hal Jordan, but I don't know if I'm right. So yeah, that takes away a few points. Aside from that, I love the pose and everything about the paint job except the hair. Grade: C+

I love this figure because it looks like the Cesar Romero Joker, which is one of my favorite Jokers ever. The purple tux and frilly yellow shirt are perfect, as is the walking stick. Somehow I took a picture of the one figure in my collection that doesn't have the green bow tie which offsets the color of the shirt. Just know that they usually have that little detail. Anyway, something about this figure just makes it super awesome, and I'm not 100% sure I know what it is. I just know that this figure is one of the best in the series. Grade: A+

 This is another one of my favorites in the Heroics line. J'onn J'onzz (aka Martian Manhunter) looks both awesome and slightly terrifying, which is exactly what he should look like. He is by far the most sturdy of the figures in this lineup (something about his stance makes him hard to knock over whereas I've knocked my Green Lanterns and Flashes over about a zillion times by now). The detailing on this figure is impressive because there are just certain things that make the figure pop (the yellow medallions on his belt and cape and his red eyes). Without these fine details, the figure would be a bit boring. Because of the details, I love this figure. Grade: A

This is one of three Superman figures in the DC Heroics series. The Marvel series has three different Spiderman figures, so I guess they went with three versions of the most iconic character in each universe. Makes sense. Anyway, I've always found Superman a bit boring and have never been intrigued by his costume or its symbolism and mythos. I know that's comic book heresy, but that's how I feel. So yeah, this is how Superman looks and I guess it's a good rendition. I can't knock them for doing a faithful version of something I don't care that much about.  
Grade: A

  This is just Superman in a different pose. I don't know what that bit of rock or whatever that is by Superman's foot. Maybe he's leaping from the top of a mountain, or jumping off the fortress of solitude. I'll knock a few points off just because I don't know what that rock/crystal is doing there.
Grade: B

I actually find this chase figure quite interesting even though it's merely a different paint job on the Superman figure I just knocked. This is Justice Lords Superman, which means this is a villain Superman from an alternate earth. I like the idea, and I love the stripes on the forearms and calves. It's a good look for Superman. Earth-One Superman should give it a try. Grade: A






Overall this is a strong series of action figures. The only big flaw is with Green Lantern, and that's more a flaw in identification than design. It isn't a perfect series, but it's well worth collecting, especially because the figures are inexpensive and readily available. The series deserves the overall rating of...

Transformers Legends Optimus Prime

Optimus Prime was always the grand poo-bah of all highly desirable toys when I was a kid. I believe I've made mention of the time I tried to lay my hands on a Generation 1 Optimus Prime in the middle of my Voltron review. So yeah, this is always a toy I wanted to own. Granted, I wanted a much bigger version, but I have to admit I've had much more fun with this 3" figure than I thought I would.

As you can see in the picture (you can tell I took this one because it's half out of focus and washed out. I am not a photographer) this is a highly faithful figure that really looks like the leader of the Autobots. They absolutely nailed the head because they didn't do the Michael Bay version of Optimus in which the middle spike on his head is waaaay bigger than all the others. Optimus looks like he is supposed to look, and that's more than half of the reason I bought this figure.

Even though this is a nice-looking Optimus Prime, I do have a few nits to pick. First of all, his hands don't look right. They're the same color as his arms and are a little too hexagonal. They coulda painted them blue and still have only used three colors on this figure. Another gripe is that the middle wheels don't turn. They're fakies that sit slightly higher than the real wheels, and it never ceases to bother me. My final gripe is that, as it was with Starscream, Optimus Prime has a facade. The grill on the front of the truck is not the same one you use when you transform to the robot. You pivot his torso just below the windows to flip to the slim version of the grill pictured above. I actually prefer the normal grill, but if you don't flip the grill around, his legs are backwards. This is just a pointless feature to an otherwise very fine figure. I want to give this figure full marks because I happen to really love it, but I can't pretend that I'm not bothered by the hands, wheels, and grill every time I look at it. Oh, and I would've loved it if this figure had the trailer as well, but you can't expect such things in a budget action figure line.

Transformers Legends Starscream

This Transformers Legends figure cost about as much as the Mini-Cons (I think it was 50 cents more) but it's a whole lot more detailed and it really looks both like a jet and like the Starscream I remember from my childhood. I know the Mini-Cons are billed as 3" figures, but these Legends figures are slightly taller and whole lot more detailed.

The interesting thing about the Legends figures (I own two of them) is that they employ some clever facades. The cockpit you see on Starscream's chest is not the same one on the top of the plane. You can tell because the one on the front of the robot is surrounded by red, and the one on the plane is surrounded by grey. It's really the only thing that bothers me about this figure because aside from that, this is a highly-faithful finely-detailed piece of work. It takes a few more steps to transform from jet to robot and back than the Mini-Cons, and I had to consult the back of the package on my first try. Once I got it transformed, I was pleased to see how much Starscream looks like Starscream as both a jet and a robot. This is a really great figure and I'll gladly purchase more if I ever find them. Oh, and the head looks like a head and the hands look like hands. This is a big step up from Mini-Cons with a minimal step up in price.

Transformers Mini-Con Drivetrain

Drivetrain is another Mini-Con I picked up at Family Dollar. It was just as inexpensive as Break-Neck, and looks a little better when transformed. As it is with Break-Neck, Drivetrain transforms from automobile to robot in four to five easy steps. There's no point consulting the diagrams on the back of the package because it's all pretty easy to figure out on your own.

Drivetrain features a much more well-defined head than Break-Neck, but suffers even more from a lack of well-defined hands because, as you can see, the hands are the same color as the bed of the truck. The manufacturer probably saved money by only using three colors of paint on these toys, so I can't complain too much when I was able to pick these up on the cheap. Once again, these Mini-Cons are mostly for fun and won't stand up in a comparison with the Generation 1 Transformers line, but they were never meant to.

Transformers Mini-Con Break-Neck

Break-Neck is on of a few versions of Le-Mans style Mini-Con Transformers. I found that out on the very helpful Transformers Wiki. I have to admit that my knowledge of Transformers is limited to the original cartoon series and the first movie alone (the animated movie, not the Michael Bay junk. I was onto the fact that Michael Bays ruins things early. I have never seen any of his lousy Transformers movies due to the fact that he took the clean lines and bright colors of the Transformers and turned them into walking piles of junk with dulled and darkened colors. Oh, and Bumblebee is a VW Bug, not a Camero) so I don't really know what the Mini-Cons are, where they fit into the Transformers universe, or anything of the kind. I just know that I saw the toy at Family Dollar and thought it looked cool.

 So Break-Neck transforms into the very cool-looking race car you see above. It's a simple four or five step transformation that could easily be carried out by any kid 5 years old or older. My only gripes about this figure are the fact that the head barely stands above the windshield, so if I hadn't photographed the figure from the angle I did, you might not have known he had a head. The other problem is that the hands are not very well-defined. They're just poorly-detailed black things on the inside of the wheel wells. At any rate, these inexpensive 3" Transformers are not meant to be highly-detailed fully-articulated works of art. They're just small and fun and look nice on the shelf next to a zillion Marvel Heroics.

Talking Napoleon Dynamite 7" Figure

This talking Napoleon Dynamite figure is technically my wife's, but we combined our collections of things when we got married, so its point of origin matters less than the fact that it is a proud part of our joint action figure collection.

This figure was made by JDK Products if that means anything to anyone. It is a very finely-detailed figure. Everything from the wrinkles in his jeans to the twists in his headphone cord is very smartly rendered. This is one of the most faithful figures I own, the only flaw being the size and font of the text on Napoleon's shirt. The figure more than makes up for any flaw with the fact that they nailed the hair. Napoleon's hair is brown, not red. Go back and watch the movie. I don't know where people got the red hair idea. It's brown.

There is no articulation in this figure, and it is permanently attached to the base. The real appeal of this figure lies in the red button at the front of the base. The red button will cycle through one of twenty different quotes from the hit movie (Napoleon Dynamite should've never made it as big as it did. It was built to be a cult classic, but somehow got a little out-of-hand. Of course I'm glad Jared and Jerusha made big bucks, but I always wish this movie hadn't become a thing. It should've been an arthouse favorite along the lines of Rocky Horror). For a while, my wife and I started pressing the red button in the middle of conversations, substituting Napoleon's words for our own. You never knew whether you were going to get a "I wish you would get out of my life and shut up" or an "I caught you a delicious bass." At any rate, this figure has provided a lot of fun for my wife and I, so I can't help but love it. It's a highly faithful figure with plenty of awesome movie quotes. It deserves no less than...

Hourman - DC Universe Classics

Hourman is just one of the characters I fell in love with while reading some old JSA comics. I just find the concept of Hourman fascinating. He's not a superhero in the sense that he has some strange magical or otherwordly abilities. His abilities are the product of his own ingenuity (he developed Miraclo, a drug that gives him super powers for one hour per dose). That puts him in the same league with guys like Sandman and The Elongated Man, which I also find awesome. There's just something about a guy who uses his own ingenuity to gain entrance into a world filled with the otherwise  supernaturally gifted. It's why Batman works so well.

Anyway, as with the Green Lantern figure, which is part of this same series, this Hourman figure is almost too articulated. Luckily he does not require a pelvic thrust to remain upright. He looks very realistic and I especially appreciate how awesome his cape looks and feels. There has been plenty of discussion in various forums about his solid yellow cowl. The Golden Age Hourman always had either shadow on the front of his cowl, or the front of his cowl was always black (there is some disagreement on that point as well). So this figure either is or is not historically correct, depending on how you choose to feel about it. I did find photos of a different DC figure which does feature black on the front of the cowl, and I have to admit it looks better than this one.

Regardless of such nit-picky details, I'm proud to own Hourman. He could look a little better, but I'm certainly not one of those guys who does a little custom painting on his figures to make them more correct. He's right at home standing next to Alan Scott in my collection and he'll be there a long time.

Golden Age Green Lantern - DC Universe Classics

I bought this figure because I really enjoyed reading some Golden Age Green Lantern. I reviewed the first 10 issues here as part of my First 10 series. Anyway, I saw this beauty on sale at Wal-Mart for a mere $5 and I couldn't resist.

This figure is part of wave 14 of the DC Universe Classics action figure series. I read somewhere that wave 14 was only sold at Wal-Mart, which is nice because it's the only decent store in this town (make no mistake, I hate giving my money to Wal-Mart. I would much rather give it to a locally owned comic book store). So apparently nobody collects action figures and/or has any interest in Alan Scott. The package of this figure was coated in dust. I guess that's why it was marked down.

This Green Lantern comes complete with the lantern, a "collectable" (I put it in quotes because I can't imagine anyone cares about them) pin, and a piece of a larger figure that you can assemble by buying all the figures in this wave, which I have no intention of doing. As you can see, Alan Scott has more articulation than is necessary. There are joints everywhere on this guy. One thing my wife was quick to point out is that the only way I can get him to stand in any sort of sturdy way involves putting him in an exaggerated pelvic thrust, which doesn't seem like something the original Green Lantern would do (though I wouldn't put it past Hal Jordan).

The thing I like the most about this figure is the intense expression on its face. Were it not for the crazy mid-torso joint that makes him do the time warp again and again (well, at least the pelvic thrust part of it) I would almost swear he looked real. This is a highly-detailed finely-crafted piece of work and certainly one of the most realistic figures I own. My only gripes are the pelvis thing and the the fact that there is no way to make the bell of the lantern face the ring, which is all I wanna make it do. Of all the articulations to leave out. Sheesh, I wouldn't miss the mid-torso one or the upper thigh ones. Just make the man able to do the one thing most people are going to want to make him do. Other than that, this is a very fine figure and I was very happy to buy it for as little as I did. How much do these things retail for? I'm going to research that and tell you the answer. You won't notice it, but there may be several minutes between this set of words and the next set. If Wikipedia is to be trusted, the figures retail for $15-$18, so I really walked away with this for a song. Can't wait to pick up some cheap Avengers figures in 6 months, assuming present trends continue.

Ash Williams S-Mart Action Figure

First of all, if you haven't seen Army of Darkness, I don't know what you've been doing with your life. Get off your duff and watch it (or maybe watch it sitting down. It's your house and I won't tell you how to enjoy a movie. I'm only here to tell you which movies you need to enjoy).

Anyway, I was given this sweet action figure as a gift. I would have preferred Ash from an earlier scene in the movie (mainly I would have preferred chainsaw hand Ash over mechanical hand Ash), but I'm not going to nitpick a gift...too much.

Since I no longer have the original packaging for this figure, I'm not entirely sure who made it. I thought it was made by McFarlane toys, but I could be wrong. All it says on the undercarriage of the cart is that the copyright is held by Orion Pictures. All I can tell you is that this particular Ash stands about 6 inches tall and is only moderately articulated. His arms can rotate as well as his right thigh, but that's about it. He comes with everything you see here: the coveted boomstick, an S-Mart cart, a water bottle (the straw broke off of mine, not sure how that happened), and a leather-ish holster for the boomstick. Ash can't really stand on his own, which is why there are two small pegs for his feet on the cart. The figure is very detailed and looks very much like Bruce Campbell (did I ever tell you I met the man? Yeah, he's awesome). This is more of a display figure than a play figure, but I still love owning my own Ash Williams (that didn't sound homoerotic, did it? Mmmkay then).

Captain Amazing 8" Action Figure

Kudos to you if you recognize this figure without having me explain it to you. If you are one of the uninitiated, this is Captain Amazing from the classic film Mystery Men. Make sure that when you read the next sentence that you are aware that I am not joking and that I mean every word of it. Mystery Men is one of the greatest movies ever made. Yeah, I understand why people gravitate toward Citizen Kane and other such widely-acclaimed classics. I appreciate such high-minded highly artistic work. Umbrellas of Cherbourg is also one of my favorite films, so I'm not entirely without taste. There's just something about Mystery Men that never stops being awesome. I know that there are very few who feel the same about it. Mystery Men was seen as a critical and financial flop, but I love it. I dig it in the same way that certain types of people really dig Cable Guy (a movie I like. I wouldn't say I love it, but I've happily watched it a few times). Some movies just reach certain people and no amount of thumbs down, bombs, or rotten tomatoes can make them think otherwise. I need to write a review of Mystery Men someday. Anyway, this is supposed to be about the Captain Amazing action figure, not the movie.

My wife found this figure in its original packaging at Bookman's in Mesa. I immediately asked her if they had Blue Raja or The Shoveler, but they didn't. I'm okay with Captain Amazing, but he's not my favorite character from the movie (although knowing Captain Amazing made me enjoy Booster Gold's story in 52 so much more). We proudly brought this figure home, took it out of the packaging, and gave it a honored place in our home (my wife is also a big Mystery Men fan. It's one of the reasons I love her).

This figure is made by Playing Mantis and is 8" tall and reasonably articulated (I don't know what you consider full articulation. The DC Universe Classics figures have more joints than actual human beings. This figure has head, shoulder, elbow, waist, and knee joints, which is all I would ever want). The picture I took made him look like a drunken Tim Allen, but he looks really close to the Captain Amazing from the film. He's missing some of the endorsements from the movie, but that's understandable. It would be hard to get clearance from all the companies Captain Amazing represents. He comes just as a bare figure with no accessories whatsoever. That's how he appears in the film, so I can't fault them too much there.

Anyway, if you're a fan of Mystery Men (and really, you should be) this is a figure you might enjoy. You'd probably enjoy Blue Raja or The Shoveler more, but that's neither here nor there. This is a large finely-crafted fully-articulated figure. It's a proud piece of my collection, even if I wish it was almost any of the other characters from the movie (but not The Spleen).

Voltron: Third Dimension Action Figure

I was all about Voltron growing up. Sure, I was a fan of Transformers, GI Joe, M.A.S.K., Thundercats, and just about every other awesome cartoon/toy line for boys in the 80's (they had a pretty hard and fast girl/boy divide back then. Everything seems to have gone much more unisex since then), but Voltron was always my favorite. I remember back in the day that only one store in my hometown carried the coveted Voltron lions. I know they must have been sold as a set somewhere, but my hometown general store sold them separately. They were $5 each, and I never had that kind of money.

Fast forward to 2000 and Voltron: The Third Dimension was freshly cancelled. I was home from a two year stint in Cambodia and biding my time before getting back into college. I saw a box with all five Voltron lions marked down to a mere $19.99 and I couldn't resist. I bought the very Voltron pictured above and have loved owning the #1 most highly coveted toy of my childhood (close #2 was Optimus Prime. I remember my Mom was part of a toy drive once and someone gave away a pristine Optimus Prime complete with trailer and all accessories. I begged her to let it "fall out" of the collection for the drive and into my own personal collection. I offered several of my own toys, but my Mom didn't budge. I guess there are more important things in life than a mint condition 1985 Generation 1 Optimus Prime complete with trailer and all accessories, but not many).

Though my love of Voltron will always let me love the figure pictured above, I do have some complaints which seem to be common for this particular iteration of Voltron. First of all, the black lion has a projectile in its back (I've never liked projectiles in toys. You never use them like the kids in the commercial who always seem to have plenty of plastic bricks to blow up (an item I have never seen for sale anywhere) and you always end up losing them and/or having them shoot off when you lest expect it). This particular Voltron really suffers from premature ejection of its projectiles. I tend to leave them in the slots without pushing them all the way down, so they aren't armed. When you fold up the tail of the black lion for the transformation to Voltron (a mighty robot. Loved by good. Feared by evil.) you always hit the button that shoots the projectile. It's a poor design and it gets really annoying. Also, the nubs that hold many of the moving parts in place, most notably the yellow horns on Voltron's head and the covers for the compartments that hold the feet of the black lion, wear out and those pieces end up falling off constantly. Oh, and the pieces of the other lions that lock into the black lions come in varying strengths. The ones for the arms are too good, and I'm always afraid I'm going to break something when I'm taking Voltron apart. The pieces that lock the legs in are too weak, and if you pick Voltron up too quickly, one or both of his legs will fall off.

Here's the thing: I know how hard it must be to make a decent Voltron toy. It's a complicated thing. It's like making a good Devastator (the Constructicons have to look good on their own and have all their parts work, and then they have to turn into a decent Devastator that looks good as a whole and has pieces that work). First of all, there's no way to make the lions all the same scale. The arms have to be smallest, the legs slightly bigger, and the torso even bigger. You simply don't have cartoon magic on your side. Also, you have to design interfaces that don't get in the way of the individual toys when they're separated. It's a tall order. I appreciate this Voltron for what it is (the only one I own), but I'm also well aware of its flaws.

Now here's the thing, I'm going to give this thing a rating and I'm using Voltrons as the unit of measurement for action figure goodness. I want to give this thing 5 full Voltrons, but I can't. Not with its flaws. So I'll say this: If this was the original die-cast Voltron, it'd be worthy of all 5. As a plastic representation of the original, I'll give it...

Some Action Figure Thoughts

So my interest in action figures is riding at a high not seen since M.A.S.K. was still on TV (I used to own Brad Turner and his Condor that turned from a motorcycle into a helicopter. We had such great toys in the 80's). It started with the relatively inexpensive and highly collectible Marvel Heroics and has gotten ever so slightly out of control.

I don't really know anyone else who collects action figures, but I've seen enough Big Bang Theory episodes to know that hardcore collectors know a lot about what makes a figure valuable or worthless. I know next to nothing when it comes to action figures. I know what I like, and I collect things that I like. What should follow (I don't know because I haven't written it yet) are some of the tenets that guide my action figure collecting.

1. I open my figures immediately and I toss the packaging. I buy things because I like to play with them. Sure, I keep them on the shelf most of the time, but sometimes I pull them down and play with them. You can't play with a plastic bubble and cardboard backing (Maybe you can, but I just find it weird). I know I'm taking away from some of the value when I do that, but that just leads to the second point.

2. I don't really buy expensive action figures. Heroics cost a buck a piece. Some of my figures were bought used, which made 'em really cheap. Some of my figures were given to me as gifts, which is the very cheapest ever. The most I have ever spent on a figure is $20, and that was for a very large and awesome Voltron figure, and I bought it brand new.

3. I only collect things I like. When I bought the Golden Age Hourman and Green Lantern, I could have also picked up Gold (of Metal Men fame), which is a great looking figure and from what I've read is probably the most highly prized figure in this series of DC Universe Classics figures. There was also a great price on Zatanna, but I say meh to both of those figures. They have popped up as crossover characters in some of the comics I've read, but I don't really care about Gold or Zatanna (Harley Quinn on the other hand...). I bought Alan Scott and Rex Tyler because they're two of my favorite characters from the original Justice Society. If they had a Specter action figure, I woulda been all over it. I honestly don't care which figures are more expensive or which are a better investment.

4. I do care a bit about which version of a figure I'm collecting. Here's the thing: Michael Bay ruined the aesthetics of Transformers. Look at the clean lines and perfect colors of the original 80's transformers (either the toys or the tv show itself, it doesn't matter which) and compare them with the dull colors of the walking piles of junk Michael Bay crapped out. I could pick up a Michael Bay Optimus Prime right now for next to nothing, but I don't want it. I could pick up the robot formerly known as Bumblebee (Bumblebee is a VW Bug, not a Chevy Camero) but I don't want it. So yeah, if an inferior movie version of a toy exists, I don't want it. Side note: I think it's funny that people are coming around to my way of thinking with Michael Bay. His proposed alien movie (It's supposed to be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but he intends to portray TMNT as aliens, so they may or may not be teenagers, probably aren't mutants, can't be ninjas because ninjitsu is a martial arts form from Earth, and they can't even be considered turtles. So yeah, he's an idiot) has caused a lot of outrage. Where was all the outrage when he ruined Transformers? I felt like the only person who cared. I didn't go see any of his Transformers movies, and I certainly won't want to see his alien non-teenage non-mutant non-ninja non-turtle movie. I scoff at the very idea of Michael Bay </nerdrant>.

I think that pretty much covers it for now. I'm sure there'll be more to it when I've gone deeper into the sickness that is action figure collecting, but that's all I've got for now. Just know that I will absolutely be buying some old Mattel Guts figures, and when I get the underwater demolition team they'll be going with me into the bathtub just like they did in the 80's. And on that disturbing note...the end.